All I want is a cuddle.


My dressing gown hangs in the back of my bedroom door. Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly sorry for myself, I put the sleeves round the back of my neck and my arms round its middle. Then I can pretend I’m having a cuddle; with Jesus, with my husband, with whoever. I just want to be picked up and cuddled.
What a sorry, sad, soppy piece of sulkyness I am.
Today, when I am feeling particularly sorry for myself for several different reasons, I want it to be Jesus. Unfortunately for me, Jesus is having none of it.
“You’re looking for consolation.” He tells me. Not in a bad way, He’s just stating the fact.
And yes I am. Unfortunately for me, now He’s pointed that out, I know I’m not going to find any.
“Lord, teach me how to suffer…” – Why did I ever ask Him that at the start of this year??!!!
Therese talks about how to suffer. All this year I have only suffered badly. I now realise that my unquenchable thirst for consolation has only doubled, no tripled the suffering I have encountered this year.
I search for consolation by stuffing biscuits into my face. I search for it by counting the number of likes on my Facebook posts. I search for it in demanding attention from other people. I find it in dwelling on thoughts for hours, that I really should not be dwelling on.
Well, now He’s made me aware of how I’m doing it, I know none of those things are going to satisfy me anymore.
Oh dear.
It looks like I might actually be maturing as a human being.