In a statement issued by the Vatican head of Cosmology, Ukrainian born Fr Ima Sceptic described the recent UFO sighting above the Vatican as “Out of this world.”
Fr. Sceptic has spent the last 30 years heading a team of nerdy clergy known affectionately within Vatican circles as ‘The Geek Squad’. They can be easily recognised by the sticky plaster that holds the bridge of their reading glasses together, and their rigidity in terms of liturgy.
“When this was first reported we thought it was just another hoax” explained Fr. Sceptic. “It was a very windy day. We rushed to the window and at that very moment witnessed a small black spacecraft floating on the breeze. It went right passed our window! We saw it with our own eyes!”
Fr Sceptic’s account can be verified by his assistant, American born Fr. Al Ien.
“He’s right” said Fr. Al Ien “It was about 40-50cm wide at the brim and looked like it was made out of something like Beaver fur.”
When told about the sighting, Pope Francis reportedly said that the Geek Squad are “notorious” for their “fake news” and that they should stop being so nerdy and rigid and “get with the programme”.
The Holy Father continued “I’m not saying there aren’t such things as aliens, I’m just not saying there are. If you want to believe in aliens then fine. If you don’t want to believe, then fine. Makes no difference to me. Do whatever makes you feel happy.”
Fr Sceptic thanked the Holy Father for his leadership on this issue and has duly filed the incident under the “Lacking Clear Explanation” file in the Vatican vault.
In other news…
There has been an unprecedented rise in sales of the famous Saturno hat worn by clergy in Rome this week.
Sales staff have advised priests not to wear the wide brimmed hat on very windy days due to an increase in fake UFO sightings this month.