Fr Aidan Kieran: Why I find fasting so darn hard!

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Following my Little Way of Fasting article, Clare asked me if I would write a follow-up, to give an update on my progress, and all the graces that have poured into my life because of my fidelity to fasting.

Oh dear!

When I read the request, my face went the colour of Palm Sunday vestments!

The things is, I found it a struggle to do any fasting for a few months. My first reaction to the request was that it would be hypocritical of me to write such an article, having become a bit lax on the fasting front. But, for better or for worse, here is my reflection on my recent experience (or lack thereof) of fasting.

So what stopped me fasting? I can answer the question with one word: stress. I’ve been facing a couple of stressful situations in my life over the last few months. It became more difficult to pray, and it felt as if it was impossible to consider fasting. I just wanted to distract myself from the pain inside. The internet, sports on TV and food were my favourite distractions. In the middle of all this, I certainly had no appetite for depriving myself of even a cup of tea in the morning and offering it up to the Lord. I was being deprived of a large part of my sense of self-worth, so He wasn’t getting any more sacrifices from me. It was almost as if I was empty inside, and so had nothing to offer.

One thing I was managing to do, occasionally, was to expose the Blessed Sacrament in the church for a while after Mass and spend time with parishioners in adoration. However, when Lent drew near, I realised I had to make some effort to get back onto the wagon from which I had fallen. It was time to try fasting again.

And the truly amazing thing is that fasting began to work (little) miracles almost immediately. Almost as soon as I began doing without my morning cup of tea, I felt a little spiritual strength come back. I began to get a new perspective on the trials I was experiencing. I began to pray a little better, and I was a little stronger in the face of temptation to sin. It was as if even the minuscule sacrifice I was making was creating just enough room in my soul for the Holy Spirit to get to work. Remarkable! It was a most generous payback on what felt like such a small effort. It’s as if I had deposited some money in the bank, and received a lot of interest almost immediately.

It illustrates for me how generous Our Lord is to me, and to us all. Sometimes it feels like he asks to work long hours in the vineyard. But He rewards us so generously for the efforts we make for Him, even if they seem small to us. He can even use our half-hearted attempts as occasions of grace.

What I have learned in the last while is how we must draw from all the channels of grace in the spiritual battle in which we are engaged. Reading the Word of God, Receiving and Adoring the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, Praying the Rosary, Going to Confession and Fasting are important channels through which grace can gush into our souls.

The Church encourages us to fast during Advent and Lent, and on Fridays throughout the year. What I have learned recently is that even the smallest effort of fasting, done with love and with prayer, is enough to open the endless channel of God’s grace into our lives. However many times I fail or give up, it doesn’t matter. Jesus is never going to give up on me, so I guess I will just keep joyfully trying in my little sacrifices, to show my love and gratitude for the big sacrifice He made for me on the cross.

We have just 1 week left before lent ends, so lets summon up all our strength and offer that one cup of tea, that one cigarette, that one biscuit. And lets offer it to God as little imperfect children would to a loving Father – with all the love we can find in our hearts.

0 thoughts on “Fr Aidan Kieran: Why I find fasting so darn hard!

  1. I once lamented that I had had flu, therefore lots of time to pray, but had been unable to pray at all. The Claver Sister to whom I had expressed my lament replied by quoting a saint (Theresa?) who said that when we were ill, our vocation was simply to be ill. Maybe that is true of stress, too.

    Being deprived of your sense of self-worth I imagine undermines you and so just keeping going may be hard work. Maybe Our Lord knew that and rewarded the small effort you were able to make to reach towards Him “disproportionately” knowing how hard it was: when we are hurting, it is hard to reach out to someone else; there is so much awareness of the hurt, we haven’t the strength to think beyond it.

    (I put the disproportionately in inverted commas because, although you may feel your effort was tiny, the circumstances may have made it much more significant. Our Lord was indeed generous; you are right there, but maybe you were more so than you think, too.)

    The most important thing is, to me, that you continue to get the encouragement you need to keep going, and particularly to celebrate Easter with joy.

    My fasting has wobbled a bit, too. It took the form of using what I already had, rather than buying new; when so many have not enough, waste is downright wicked.. My sister said my fridge was much better organised than usual, so maybe I’m getting something right! Proceeds of thrift to ACN. I need to put some more into the prayer aspect; that’s the one that’s been neglected.

    Courage and God bless!