Pope says that only women with ugly feet can take part in Maundy Thursday service.

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The news that Pope Francis has allowed women to participate in the Maundy Thursday foot washing service has shocked many this week. But like his “Who am I to judge?”  comment, it seems that the media have left out the first half of the Pope’s sentence. The full official sentence actually reads:

“ONLY aesthetically challenged women with seriously manky feet are allowed to take part in the Maundy Thursday service.”

This irresponsible editing by the media has created a tsunami of confusion as to who is actually allowed to take part.

Recent convert, 26 year old Fi-Fi LeBlonde says that she is ‘giddy with excitement’ at the thought of having her perfectly manicured feet washed by the young handsome curate this year. She says she had been preparing for the event by ‘…deciding to scrap the usual French manicure and instead opted for passion red nail varnish to match the liturgical colours for that week.’ Fi-Fi has told us that she has started using a new scented foot balm to make sure her skin is ‘nicer for the priest’ when he bends down to kiss it.

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But poor Fi-Fi is going to be terribly disappointed when it comes to light that her feet simply do not meet the Pope’s new regulatory standards.

72 year old Mrs Gertrude McBunion on the other hand, has been pleasantly surprised by the Pope’s words. “Ever since the ingrowing toenail incident of 2006, and the popped veruca of 2013, I thought I’d never get a chance at having my feet washed at the Maundy Thursday service.” Mrs McBunion is a regular patient of Podiatrist Dr Cheddar. Dr Cheddar has welcomed the Pope’s words stating that “All feet are considered equal in the eyes of God – but some are more equal than others – especially my patients.”

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He went on to say that “Just because someone has a fungal infection, it doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings or require absolution.” Dr Cheddar’s recent influential campaign ‘Discrimination Stinks’ is said to have influenced Pope Francis’ decision.

But what about the priest’s in all this? When asked who’s feet he would rather be washing – Fi-Fi’s or Mrs McBunion’s, 31 year old Fr. Terry Fied said that he would be ‘breaking with tradition’ and ‘letting the EMHC’s have a go this year.’

Wise man if you ask me.

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