When you are Fat and Old.

Well, it’s been almost 4 days since I got back from Rome now and I have to admit I am still not back to normal. I’m having a seriously hard time coming down from the whole experience mentally and emotionally, and physically I am still completely destroyed.

I averaged about 5 hours sleep a night when I was there due to late night restaurants with the most raucous bunch of contemplatives you could ever wish to dine with, and I was getting up at 6.30am. I was also walking at least 5 miles per day.

To be honest with you I’m seriously unfit. I’ve never really recovered from having kids. My tummy muscles are totally shot. I still have a 3 inch gap between where the muscles are supposed to meet on the front of my stomach. That’s never gonna heal – not even with 1000 sit up’s a day. But on the up side I do have a rather nice squishy platform to rest my laptop on while I write this blog post.

bouncy

“…it’s like being on a bouncy castle.”

Due to stress and tiredness and laziness and exhaustion I just can’t seem to loose any weight. Seeing myself on TV was a bit of a shock tbh. It not only exposed the fact that I am highly superficial in terms of appearance and attached to the thought of a body that is long gone, but also that I do actually look rather different in reality than I do in my own imagination. I didn’t realise I was that fat! Ha! The truth hurts hey?! Not that it bothers my husband. Nothing puts him off. As far as he’s concerned the more wobbly bits the better. Just this afternoon he enthusiastically described our nocturnal nuptial activities as “…like being on a bouncy castle!” LOL! I told him it was more like Sumo wrestling. Who says romance is dead hey?!

Sumo

Sumo wrestlers.

But seriously, I’m 36 next month. Most days I feel like I’m 86. Being a wife and mum is tiring. Being a good wife and mum is exhausting. And I’m not getting any younger. Infact as I am getting older I am finding that I relish time on my own more, and also those precious moments of silence I sometimes get during the day.

Beauty means different things to me now. Beauty is my children, my creative work on my vestments, the fact that me and Nick are still willing to give more, even after 16 years together. Even though my body is long past any point of aesthetic recovery, it is true to say that I have never felt so beautiful internally. It’s because I’m happy, and I know that I am loved. I have never been so secure in my identity in the eyes of God as I am now. Happy people shine, and at the moment even though I am tired and fat and old, I just feel like I am radiating love like a Supernova.

A big, fat, Supernova! Ha!

Gosh I’m tired – time to stop writing now before I say anything more stupider than I usually do.

0 thoughts on “When you are Fat and Old.

  1. It will take you some time to come down after Rome. You were there when they canonized the Martins! That’s a huge deal. Don’t try to get over it.

    As for being unfit, it’s worth putting in a bit of effort to be healthy. Some walking, stretching, and exercise will help you sleep and feel better. The idea is to be fit for God’s service.

    Again, congratulations! God has given you a great gift. I’m so happy for you. And you are beautiful.

    http://lovedasif.com

  2. As an obnoxious teen, I always used to roll my eyes at my mother and say “uh huh, whatever…” whenever she’d tell me that real beauty is what’s on the inside not on the outside. But now (and just like you), I’m MUCH older and MUCH wiser I definitely have come to realize her sentiment was completely right!
    I chalk up that insight to being that it’s God’s grace which has completely moved my heart and personal interests away from those worldly, superficial things that really don’t matter in the end one bit… Obviously you’re also on the same path!
    And just so you know, you did a great job with your bidding prayer last weekend (I saw you on the video) and I sincerely thought that you are absolutely beautiful on the inside and out! And by the way, that was the most gorgeous chapel veil you were wearing…LOVED it!

    And by the way, your blog posts always put a smile on my face because I can SO relate to you and your crazy life, so please keep them coming, the “stupider” the better, by the way in my opinion! ;D

  3. Hang in there! I have ten years on you and I too am not sleeping nor am I eating as well as I should. As for being out of shape, I often jest that round is indeed a shape. Lol. I have been homeschooling seven children for the past 18 years with 10 years to go. But, in spite of the never-ending workload and the piles of laundry that grow like magic and an impending move that looms ever-closer, I would not trade one sleepless night or late-night cookie for all the world. We have the most precious vocation as wives and mothers while living and breathing our Catholic life. Please keep blogging, it makes my day feel more in union with other catholic mommas like you! <3

  4. Don’t feel bad about being out of shape as you get older. While I am 11 years your junior, after I had my daughter, any hopes and dreams of a fit post-baby body went out the window. Kids have ways of draining your energy for frivolous things like going to a gym, but it really puts priorities in perspective.