In my parish, no-one would really bat an eyelid if I never showed up for Mass again.

Following on from my last post…

I got my Divine Office morning and evening prayer book today. This is brand new to me and I am receiving instruction through my Carmelite group. Opposed to priests and religious, secular Carmelites are called to pray just the morning and evening parts of the Office, and night prayer if possible.

From what I have experienced of the Divine Office so far, I know i’m really gonna like it. I love the rhythm and flow of the left hand side saying the first part, and the right hand side saying the responses. I love the fact that Catholics all over the world, including the Pope will be saying the same prayers as I am saying everyday. That makes me feel much more included in the church than I ever have felt, actually.

To be honest I have always (and still do) feel like a nobody in the church. I’ll never be a priest, bishop or cardinal, I doubt i’ll ever be a nun. I don’t have a degree – I don’t even have any A levels. I don’t have a paid, or un-paid position in the church. I’m not in charge of anyone apart from my children. I have no authority whatsoever outside of my home. In my parish, no-one would really bat an eyelid if I never showed up for Mass again. I really am a nobody. A tiny violet, a little daisy in amongst the grand roses and lilies. Yet I have felt for some time that this is my greatest strength.

As I open it for the first time, the ribbon of my new (second hand) Divine Office – still in place from it’s previous owner, leads me to read this passage of scripture:

“To shame what is strong, God has chosen what the world counts weakness. He has chosen things low and contemptible, mere nothings, to overthrow the existing order. And so there is no place for human pride in the presence of God…” 1 Cor 1:27-29

What freedom I have to love God! In my nothingness and weakness I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. I am a nobody, on fire with a love that God is using to confound the wise! May I always be a nobody,  who prays the same prayers as the priests, bishops and cardinals, to a God who ranks us in order of love.

11 thoughts on “In my parish, no-one would really bat an eyelid if I never showed up for Mass again.

  1. Haven’t been to Mass since mid-AUGUST (!) as due to ricked arm can’t get on mobility scooter, hence confined to barracks. Exceptionally, got to a social event where one person did say he hadn’t seen me around, but only now has a friend suggested she tell a priest so he can come with communion. Our parish is one of the biggest, so it’s easy to get lost!

    Interesting you find that as a family; it appears my assumption that families get more noticed because they have more need of the Sacraments – I don’t link in via Marriage, Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation or Holy Orders, because I don’t have the children who might need them – might be mistaken.

    Hope your Carmelite adventure is a happy one!

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  3. Nobody is a nobody in the family of faith, though as a convert in a large parish I know what you mean. It is humbling. Without people like us praying the office we would all starve spiritually. As I am now in my formation as a priest in the Ordinariate I would be grateful for your prayers. I will pray for you in your journey also.

  4. I love my Liturgy of the Hours! I started praying them around 1983 and have never missed a day! For the last few years I have added the “Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary,” which allows me to be united with our Mother Mary all through the day. Btw, I never thought I would be accepted for the diaconate and many thought I was not qualified, (“You’re not going to ordain him, are you?”) but God had other plans for my life! I love being a servant to the Lord and His holy Church! That’s all I want to do in this mortal life! 🙂

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