The important life and death of my baby.

baby

I am still not really ready to write this post. But I want to anyway.

About 3 weeks ago I had a miscarriage. It was very early – I only knew I was pregnant for about 10 days. But from the moment I saw a positive result on the pregnancy test I loved this child as much as my other 3 children. I immediately consecrated my child to Mary and loved him with all my heart and soul.

Like my other children, this baby was planned and very much wanted. But it did take an almost heroic leap of faith for me to consent to being open to life a 4th time. My husband now works from home, but was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 4 years ago – 3 months after the birth of our 3rd child. He has been unable to work at all for most of the last 4 years. But pretty much as soon as he got his home business up and running we both knew we had to take that leap of faith and try for, perhaps, our last child. I will be 39 this year, and I went into this 4th pregnancy in full knowledge of the toll it was going to take on me physically, and all the risks involved, but we still wanted another baby so much.

mary_kissing_baby_jesus

On the night I began to miscarry, I told Jesus I was scared about what was going to happen to my baby. He told me “Look Clare, he is either going to be with you, or with Me.” Those words gave me a huge amount of comfort in the very worst of circumstances. Whatever was going to happen, my baby would be safe.

The next few days I just cried and cried. Tears of grief that only the women in this special ‘club’ will understand. A club nobody wants to be a member of. My husband felt disappointed, but did not feel the need to gieve like I was. And that is fine. Everyone handles it differently. But he does respect my grief, and is being extremely supportive.

A few days in and I start with the anger – mainly at God. “So where the F**K is my baby?” Refusal to pray, refusal to receive Him in the Eucharist, storming out halfway through Mass. Worry about how I am going to raise my kids Catholic now I hate God. Worry that I will have to close my business because I will never be able to make another vestment ever again. Paralyzing fear He will take my other kids. Terrible, terrible guilt and loneliness because I cannot bear to be with the God who ‘took my baby’. I still believe in Him, I just HATE Him.

We did not get the chance to baptise our baby… where is he? The church teaches that in the case of unbaptised infants, we must ‘rely on the mercy of God’. The same mercy that permitted my baby to be taken from me? I’m not sure I am interested in that sort of mercy. I no longer have any desire to enter heaven when I didn’t even know where my dead kid is. My plan was to go looking for him after I died. (Can I just make the point here that pastorally speaking, the Church fails spectacularly in reassuring mothers of dead unbaptised infants.)

I asked for prayers and I got them. I can only thank those who have been incredibly patient and loving with me during the last few weeks. I was truly humbled by the huge outpouring of love from the online Catholic community. I have never realised how much I rely on my brothers and sisters love until now.

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When the depression hit I knew I had to quit work for a while and the only thing I could think of doing was something physical. So I started going to the Gym 5 days a week. It was a great idea and has really stemmed that depression, and has also given me a great outlet for the anger.

One of the most painful things for me was when people tried to downplay the importance and uniqueness of my baby when they said stuff like “Oh, well, it was very early…” and “obviously not meant to be…” and “you’ll have another one…”. No! I’m sorry, No! My kid WAS, I mean IS important! There will never be another human being like him! He will not be able to be ‘replaced’ with another baby – EVER!

The turning point came for me when a friends teenage son tried to commit suicide twice in one week. I suddenly realised that my child was already safe. He would never be in danger of Hell. He will never suffer, or know sin or pain or sadness or grief. But more than that I realised that my child could possibly intercede for my friends son. I just turned round one day and told my kid “Sweetheart – we’ve got work to do!” But I needed a sign from God that he was in heaven.

My sign came that Sunday evening when I was granted to be with my baby during Mass. Except he was not a baby at all. He was the fullness of who he was as a human being – a young man. Since then he has been with me every day, and will continue to be with me everyday for the rest of my life until he comes to throw his arms round me when I die. I am looking forward to that day immensely, but I have some more stuff to do here first, like raise his other 3 siblings! The relationship I have with him is obviously different from the relationship I have with his siblings, but nonetheless it is a relationship, and it will continue to grow and develop.

resurrection

Since then I have had other people come to me asking for my son to intercede for them. I have found this rather strange, but moving, and also I think it is helping me reach some sort of level of acceptance of the situation – of which I am still grieving. Everytime someone does ask, it affirms that my sons very short life and death, does have infinite meaning and purpose, and this is extremely important to me. He WAS meant to be.

To have a son already in heaven has built a bridge for me between this life and the next which can never be broken. Heaven no longer feels so far away. The veil that separates this life from the next just got that bit thinner.

 

 

CNN Organise Fake News London Muslim Peace Demo.

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Members of the Muslim community paid their respects to the victims with tributes near London Bridge. Courtesy of BBC News.

Here we can see a lovely pic of some kind hearted Muslims laying flowers and teddies and holding signs with the hashtag #Love Will Win. It was published on the BBC News website.

Knowing that the BBC often use propaganda machines such as The White Helmets to forward their agenda of multiculturalism and “diversity” (which actually just means anti-white), I decided to take a closer look at the pic.

The first thing that struck me was that they had the WRONG bridge on their signs! The bridge on their signs is Tower Bridge:

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Sign showing Tower Bridge.

This is London Bridge:

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London Bridge.

It is a mistake commonly made by American tourists. They often think the biggest and most elaborate bridge is London Bridge and then are rather disappointing when they see that London Bridge is actually a fairly boring normal Bridge!

So It wouldn’t surprise me at all if that sign had been made by a well meaning, if not rather uninformed American.

Why do I say this?

Well, it turns out that those kind and thoughtful Muslim were not holding a spontaneous peace demo at all. The whole thing had been orchestrated by CNN – the American version of the BBC. They had set up the whole event as a photo shoot with Becky Anderson presenting it. They invited along their friends at the BBC and other Media outlets, so as to reassure you that good Muslims are up in London protesting against the terrorists.

That’s right – they faked the whole thing.

That leaves us with a few questions:

  1. Were there no other Muslims protesting the terrorists AT ALL having REAL demo’s that they could have photographed?
  2. Do they really hold us in such contempt that they think they can spoon-feed us Fake News, and we will just swallow it down?
  3. Why did they feel the need to orchestrate and report this fake demo as if it was a spontaneous event?
  4. What is their agenda?

As I have said before – Do not rely on one source of information to form your views. By all means watch CNN and the BBC, but take it with a pinch of salt and also seek other News outlets like Breitbart to gain another perspective.

The first time I wore a mantilla…

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Rhoslyn Thomas wears a Di Clara Aubergine Mini Mantilla.

By Rhoslyn Thomas.

The first time it ever occurred to me that I might like to veil, I was 21 and walking home from Mass. I admitted to my friend that I was having thoughts about wearing a mantilla. We both laughed: What was happening to me?! This wasn’t ‘me’ at all. But we had both changed a lot in that last year and we were slowly getting used to the idea of letting God take the reins in our lives.

A few weeks later, I was living about 60km outside of Rome and attending, almost daily, an Old Rite Mass celebrated by the FSSP. I wanted so much to cover my head in Mass, not because anyone ever pressured me, but because I thought it was a beautiful gesture. However, I was very nervous and self-conscious.

Someone had once mentioned veiling to me on pilgrimage. She told me that our hair is our glory and that by covering it, we honor God while we are in His presence, i.e. in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. I am ashamed to say that, before this short conversation, I actually thought that women who wore veils were a bit oppressed! As I began to become interested in veiling, I very quickly realized that this assumption could not be further from the truth (if only I could have seen myself now, how I would have laughed!).

The first time I finally worked up the courage to cover my hair during Mass, I was absolutely terrified. I wanted to do it so much, but in my mind I felt everyone was watching me. I sat at the back of the church in Santissima Trinita dei Pellegrini in central Rome and tried to forget all my worries.

I actually felt different when I was wearing it. In a very short time, my mantilla came to be a great help to me in concentrating on the Mass and in helping me to differentiate between the outside world and God’s house, where the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass would take place and where I am in the presence of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist.

At home, the reaction to my mantilla is almost always overwhelmingly positive. People just realize somehow that it is a very beautiful reverent thing to do in a sacred place. Now it is second nature to me and I would not be without my veil.

For those who are just starting out with veiling, a mini-mantilla might just be the thing for you. It is not as big as a full size mantilla and is also really practical if you are dealing with young kids at Mass. I have promised myself an early Christmas present of a purple one I can wear during Advent!

Until you veil, it’s hard to describe what it will do for you. The best way to find out would be to just try it! If you are feeling nervous then just start wearing it at home while you pray, then you might want to wear it at adoration, and before you know it you will have the desire to wear it every time you step into the church!

Before long, you’ll come to see how much more a veil will be to you than just a piece of material.

For a full range of mantilla veils, I would recommend www.diclara.co.uk who offer flat rate shipping worldwide.

Sr. Lucia Fatima Miracle needed for 4 year old girl – Please Pray!

Christina

This year is the 100th anniversary of the Fatima apparitions. And today, February 13th is the anniversary of the death of the Carmelite nun, Sr. Lucia of Fatima.

It seems fitting that today should be the day we begin praying for her intercession for a a sweet 4 year old girl named Christina Thomas. Last week, Christina was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. The doctors have said there is nothing they can do.

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4 year old Christina Thomas

We need a miracle. Christina’s father – Kenny is a secular Carmelite, like myself, and we both have a great devotion to Fatima. We have informed Kenny’s Bishop that we will ONLY be asking for the intercession of Sr. Lucia, as this is very important in the beatification process.

Please join us in begging for the intercession of Sr. Lucia for little Christina. We want a complete and total healing for Christina and a miracle for the beatification for Sr. Lucia. Please share this post as much as possible and please feel free to use it on your own blog or Catholic publication.

1967 Sr. Lucia 3

Sr. Lucia of Fatima

Prayer for the Beatification of the Servant of God Sister Lucia

Most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I adore you profoundly and I thank you for the Apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Fatima, that revealed to the world the riches of her Immaculate Heart. By the infinite merits of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and through the intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I implore You, if it should be for Your greater glory and the good of our souls, to glorify Sr. Lucy, one of the Shepherds of Fatima, by granting us the grace which we implore through her intercession (the total healing of 4 year old Christina Thomas from a terminal brain tumor).

Amen.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be.

With Ecclesiastical approval

2017 – Are you ready?

I wrote this about a year ago. It is set to begin in 2 days time on November 20th – the last day of the year or Mercy and the feast of Christ the King…

mother-of-God

I have been wanting to write the ‘2017 post’ for a long time now. For about 10 years I’ve had a gut feeling about that year, but of course gut feelings don’t mean very much do they? But those feelings are still with me and are getting stronger – whatever that means. I also feel things are escalating at an increasingly fast rate now. But again, feelings don’t mean very much, so I’ve been gathering various sources of information that could possibly explain why 2017 feels significant to me.

Firstly It is 100 years since the first apparitions at Fatima. These extraordinary events in 1917 can be seen as ushering in the catastrophic twentieth century. By 1917 the first World War was grinding on with horrors never before imagined by the human race. The lady of Fatima predicted another war if mankind did not repent. This war would be presaged by a heavenly sign. This took place with an amazing display in the night sky across Europe on January 25, 1938–just before Europe was plunged into another war.

The rest of the century would witness untold misery and bloodshed in genocide, atomic warfare, terrorism, famine, natural disaster and the rise of technologies that would poison nature, destroy the family and set humanity on a course of self destruction.

The miraculous nature of the events at Fatima have been affirmed by the church and most of the popes of the last century have had a strong personal and seemingly apocalyptic association with the prophecies given to the three children. The co-incidence of the dates of May 13 (when the apparitions began) and October 13 (when the apparitions ended with the miracle of the sun) are interesting. Pope Piux XII was consecrated bishop on May 13, 1917 – the day of the first apparition and became known as the Fatima Pope. He consecrated the world to Our Lady of Fatima and made repeated references to the prophecies.

Photograph taken during the “Dance of the Sun” at Fatima on 13 October 1917.

Photograph taken during the “Dance of the Sun” at Fatima on 13 October 1917.

Paul VI met the visionary Sister Lucia and prayed with her on May 13, 1967–on the fiftieth anniversary of the visions. John Paul II was almost killed by an assassin’s bullet on May 13, 1981, and six years later on the seventieth anniversary of the visions went to Fatima to give thanks to the Virgin for saving his life.  Benedict XVI affirmed his belief in the supernatural origin of the visions, visited Sr Lucia, went to Fatima and said “the prophecies of Fatima are by no means completed.” Pope Francis had his papacy dedicated to Our Lady of Fatima on May 13, 2013 and consecrated the world in a public ceremony on October 13, 2013. He has the image of Fatima in Rome  today to be venerated and plans to visit Fatima in 2017 for the centenary of the events.

Seeing that it is one hundred years since the events makes one wonder how significant this anniversary in two years’ time is for world history. Also, seeing how the events of 1917 opened up an unprecedented century of evil in the world one is reminded of the vision of Pope Leo XIII in which Satan would be given one hundred years to attempt to destroy the church.

In 1884, after saying Mass on the morning of, according to at least one source, October 13th, as he was leaving the Altar, the 74 year old and frail Pope Leo XIII fell to the ground as if dead. He related that he had experienced a sort of vision, in which he heard two voices, one of which he took to be that of Christ, gentle and kind, and the other that of Satan, guttural and harsh.

Satan said, “I could destroy Your Church if I had the time, and more power over those who give themselves over to my service.” And then Pope Leo heard Christ to answer, “You have the power, you have the time: 100 years.”

Pope Leo XIII

Pope Leo XIII

Curiously, the prophet Venerable Bartholomew Holzhauser predicted seven ages of the church. The fifth began in 1517 with the Protestant Revolution. This period of tribulation comes to it’s five hundredth anniversary also in the year 2017. This fifth age would culminate in terrible persecution of the church. After that he predicted an era of peace and consolation. Our Lady at Fatima also predicted a period of peace after the difficulties to come.

Will 2017 therefore see some sort of climactic event which surges humanity and the whole world into a new era?

Wait – there’s more…

Three Kings Behold the Star of Bethlehem

Three Kings Behold the Star of Bethlehem

In 3/2 B.C., there occurred a rare triple conjunction of Jupiter (the king planet, through its retrograde motion) and Regulus (the king star). The Magi likely interpreted this rare triple conjunction as a giant neon sign in the heavens blinking KING-KING-KING. This all began at the Jewish New year and all within the constellation of Leo (the lion, a symbol of the tribe of Judah). So it heavily symbolized Jewish King from the tribe of Judah, a clear indication for those familiar with the Messiah. Further, rising right behind Leo was the constellation Virgo, with the sun behind and the moon at her feet.

After this incredible triple conjunction, Jupiter began moving westward in the sky, eventually coming into conjunction with Venus, a planet long symbolically associated with motherhood. The conjunction of the king planet and the motherhood planet was so close, that no man alive had ever seen anything like it and together it formed the brightest object in the sky.

All this symbolism of a Jewish king from Judah and a Virgin was enough to get the well-versed Magi moving to Jerusalem, but you can understand why the average citizen of Jerusalem missed it. Jupiter continued its western movement in the sky until it finally stopped. When it stopped (as seen from Jerusalem), it stopped directly south, directly over the small village of Bethlehem, on December 25 of 2 B.C. This may be easily seen with modern star programs that can show you the night sky on any date in history from any perspective. It is the advent of such computer programs that now allows us to not only look at the past, but to look at the skies of the future.

Given the context of all I just described, it is when we turn our gaze to the heavens of the future that things start to get really interesting.

“A woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars.”

“And a great sign appeared in heaven: A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars: And being with child, she cried travailing in birth, and was in pain to be delivered.” – Revelation 12

The author of Revelation clearly indicates that this vision is one of a sign in heaven or in the sky. What do we see in the sky of the near future?

In 2016, an astronomical event begins and will last nine and a half months:

On November 20, 2016, Jupiter (the King planet) enters into the body (womb) of the constellation Virgo (the virgin).   Jupiter, due its retrograde motion, will spend the next 9 ½ months within the womb of Virgo. This length of time corresponds with gestation period of a normal late-term baby.

After 9 ½ months, Jupiter exits out of the womb of Virgo. Upon Jupiter’s exit (birth), on September 23, 2017, we see the constellation Virgo with the sun rise directly behind it (the woman clothed with the sun). At the feet of Virgo, we find the moon. And upon her head we find a crown of twelve stars, formed by the usual nine stars of the constellation Leo with the addition of the planets Mercury, Venus, and Mars.

Unbelievable right?! And as far as I can determine, this is a unique series of events in the history of mankind with a startling degree of concurrence with the vision of Revelation 12.

So what does it mean, if anything? The obvious and truthful answer is that we simply do not know. That said, we are not entirely without possible context.

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The culmination of these astronomical events occurs just 3 weeks before the 100th anniversary of the great miracle of Fatima, in which the sun “danced” (another heavenly sign), an event that was witnessed by many thousands.

In August 1931, Sister Lucy of Fatima was staying with a friend at Rianjo, Spain. There, Our Lord appeared to Sr. Lucy and He complained the requests of His mother had not been heeded saying, “Make it known to My ministers, given that they follow the example of the King of France in delaying the execution of My command, they will follow him into misfortune. It is never too late to have recourse to Jesus and Mary.”

And again in another text, Sr. Lucy quoted Our Lord as saying, “They did not wish to heed My request! … Like the King of France, they will repent of it, and they will do it, but it will be late. Russia will have already spread its errors in the world, provoking wars and persecutions against the Church. The Holy Father will have much to suffer.”

Those references to the King of France are very interesting for our discussion as this is an explicit reference to the requests of the Sacred Heart given through Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque on June 17, 1689 to the King of France. King Louis XIV and his successors failed to heed Our Lord’s request to publicly consecrate France to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As a result, on June 17, 1789, one hundred years to the day after the request, the National Assembly of the French Revolution rose up and declared itself the government of France and stripped the king of his power. Later, the king lost his head to the revolution.

It is not possible to know the relevance of this 100-year allusion or to know if and when the clock may have started ticking, but it is certainly interesting and relevant in this context. And let’s not forget the vision of Pope Leo XIII.

I must also note that the date the astronomical event begins on 20th November 2016, is the Feast of Christ the King. It is also the very day that Pope Francis’ declared “Year of Mercy”, comes to an end.

So what does all of this mean? Nothing, quite frankly – after all, I could walk out my door tomorrow morning and get struck by lightning or hit by a bus. Coming face-to-face with our creator is a certainty for all of us one day. But all this does make me wonder if following the Year of Mercy in 2016, we will be having the Year of Justice in 2017?

And I haven’t even begun to talk about the 3 days of darkness, or the (so far neither approved or condemned) 10 secrets of Medjugorje yet…

Blessed candles: Check.

Salt and Holy water: Check.

Been to Confession: Check.

Daily Rosary and fasting for the conversion of the world: Check, but I really need to do this one more…

Sources:

http://remnantnewspaper.com/web/index.php/articles/item/2127-apocalypse-now-another-great-sign-rises-in-the-heavens

New Di Clara Kids Vestment Sets.

Introducing the cutest way possible to foster vocations!

Gothic style Chasuble, Stole and Chalice Veil.

Made with REAL vestment orphrey bands, a real Di Clara label and exquisite embroidery, this childs vestment set is the closest thing your son will get to a real set of vestments before he becomes a real priest!

Children learn through play, and this is the perfect way for parents or First Holy Communion catechists to foster vocations and teach children about the different liturgical colours, different parts of the Mass and what happens on the altar.

I have a limited number of these before Christmas – I only have 1 set left of the Red and the Purple right now, so please buy now if you are interested to avoid disappointment. And please share with anyone who you think might be interested!

Thanks x

New Confessional Stoles

Introducing the 2 new confessional stoles I am making for this Christmas season.

The first is detailed with an embroidered silver and gold ‘Keys of St Peter’ motif and finished with a silver fringe.

The second is detailed with an embroidered silver ‘Crown of Thorns’ motif and finished with a silver fringe.

Both come with free shipping worldwide.

I love both these stoles and hope they will make great Christmas presents for those special priests in your life! 😀

 

 

 

Blue for October, month of the Rosary.

 

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In first century Galilee I would imagine her clothes would not have been particularly colourful. So why is Mother Mary always pictured wearing blue?

Those commissioning art of Mother Mary must have felt that there was no more proof of their devotion than to paint her in the most expensive colour available. And there was no more expensive colour than blue, which could then be derived only from crushing and then making a paste from the semi-precious lapis lazuli stone.Beautiful blue for our Beautiful Mother! A colour fit for the Queen of Heaven!

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Anyway, for October I am focusing on 3 of my blue mantilas. Royal blue, Sky blue and Navy blue. All available at www.diclara.co.uk I offer flat rate shipping worldwide.

Royal Blue Style

Royal Blue Style

Sky Blue

Sky Blue

Navy Blue Flowers

Navy Blue Flowers

I have to say my fave is probably the Royal blue. It is such a nice way to honour Mother Mary during October – the month of the rosary. If you haven’t worn a mantila before I would recommend getting one and praying with it at home until you pluck up enough courage to take it to Adoration and Mass! 😀